Coronavirus feelings

I’ve been wanting to record my thoughts about the coronavirus pandemic currently ravaging the globe, but like a lot things I want to do, I have a hard time sitting down and doing it. I was catching up on my Man Repeller reading last night and read this listicle that finally spurred me to write something. Even though life is unimaginably weird at the moment, I still love to make a list.

What I’m grateful for

A loving spouse who is also my closest friend
A lovely, comfortable home that feels like a refuge
A nice, sunny yard to spend time in
Still having a full-time job and health insurance
Living in a safe, walkable neighborhood
Sweet kitties to love and to keep me company
Plant children to take care of
Friends who are like family
Having a feasible contingency plan in place in case Shaw and I do lose our jobs
The internet, so that we can still spend time with friends and connect with the world
Anti-depressants
Being able to have a sense of humor through everything (so far)

What I miss

Having a normal social interaction with a friend… in person
Talking to my coworkers in real life and not over Zoom or reference chat
Going to Target to walk around and look at things I don’t need
Getting to visit my parents over spring break and finally organizing the decades’ worth of photographs stashed in their closets
Going to the thrift store on Old Monrovia to look for new clothes for the season
Going to open mic night and feeling like I’m part of a community
Meeting for German class in my professor’s office

What I don’t miss

Having to manage people at work
Spending money all the time
Going to social engagements that I would rather skip because social anxiety
Getting the Sunday scaries

What I won’t miss

Feeling anxious about all the people not practicing social distancing
Compulsively checking Alabama’s coronavirus totals every day
Not knowing whether I had coronavirus when I was sick two weeks ago, if I have it and will become symptomatic soon, or if I’ve given it to someone
Having anxiety dreams multiple times a week
The urge to give myself a haircut
Continually having to refrain from writing “in these strange times” in work emails
Mentally repeating the phrase “[blank] in the time of coronavirus”
Wanting to eat nothing but bread, cheese, and sweets but also having no appetite
The fear of gaining “quarantine weight,” because diet culture still has its claws in me
Feeling rude as hell because you can’t let your friends get near you or come inside your house
Scoffing at people who say that we should just trust God and everything will be alright
Raging at public officials who aren’t doing enough to address the pandemic
CONSTANTLY THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT CORONAVIRUS

What I won’t forget

How our governments — particularly federal and state (looking at you, Gov. Memaw) — have shamelessly exposed their real priorities for all to see: that STONKS and corporations are more important than any of our lives, literally
The amazing homemade oatmeal cream pies I baked this weekend
Yelling at Hildy to get off the dining room table because “just because the world’s turned upside down doesn’t mean you get to be on the table”
The sense of community and camaraderie between folks despite social distancing
How so many of us were (and still are) complacent and entitled and felt so superior and unconcerned with the rest of the world before the pandemic hit the U.S.
Knowing just how unbelievably good I have it

Just some things to remember while we’re all trying not to lose our minds.


EDITED TO ADD: Wow, I just looked at the date of my previous post. How life has changed since February 24th…

EDITED AGAIN ON 5/18/20 TO ADD: “Community and camaraderie”? Loooooooool I wish.